What happens after getting married to an inmate?

We have answered this question a few times on Ask the Inmate, we are going to use your question to expand on our advice. Here are some realities that happen AFTER the marriage to an inmate. After you get married, you go back and sit down and have a visit. You sit at a table, you get to touch hands, and pretty much that's it. You can kiss for two minutes, maybe, if you're lucky. The ensuing years will not be a fairy tale. Most are left to raising their kids (maybe from a previous relationship) on your own, struggling to make ends meet and not having her husband around to fix a broken-down car or help that you'd get from a partner/husband. People that you know probably won't take your marriage seriously. For some women who marry imprisoned men, struggling with the forced separation and weathering the disapproval of others are only the initial challenges. Making such marriages work in cases where the husband gets out of prison can be an even bigger test. The women celebrate the news of the release. The anticipation of finally being together after the years of being apart; but oftentimes the union never takes place and maybe you'll never spend a day alone together. Adjusting to day-to-day life together can be a challenge for any couple, even when one member isn't also adjusting to life outside of prison. Statistically, post-prison marriages do not end well. For years, you exchanged lengthy letters, mapping out your future together, the wife would drive hundreds of miles from wherever to visit him. They would spend hours on the phone. Yet when the inmate was finally released from prison — a stunning turnaround that also turned the page on the marriage. The released inmate doesn't come home to her and doesn't return her calls. A month or so later, the woman is served with divorce papers. You'll have no idea what happened, the incarceration was for a long time. Was freedom just too much to handle, were there other women he was communicating with, you will probably never know. Women that are marrying inmates are usually young and naive, they like to be rescuers, and want to find a cause - to rescue and save. Once the inmate is out, the connection that worked while bound inside goes away almost immediately when being locked up ends. We have been recommending that women wait to marry. If there is a strong bond of love, marrying does not make that stronger. In many ways it empowers the inmate, gives them the knowledge that they've somehow got control over the relationship. But once the cell door opens, they are not as interested in that control, they want freedom from everything that reminds them of prison. And the prison marriage is also one of them.