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How Do Prison Marriages Work? The Reality of Getting Married While Incarcerated

Illustration of a prison wedding including an inmate in an orange jumpsuit, a bride in a dress, and a wedding official.

Published on March 18, 2025, by InmateAid

Table of Contents

 

Introduction

Marriage is a deeply personal and significant commitment, but for couples where one partner is incarcerated, the process is far from traditional. Despite the challenges, thousands of inmates in the U.S. marry each year, often navigating strict regulations, security concerns, and emotional barriers. This article explores how prison marriages work, the legal steps involved, and what couples can expect when tying the knot behind bars.

Yes, inmates in the U.S. have the legal right to marry. The Supreme Court case Turner v. Safley (1987) affirmed that prisoners have a constitutional right to marry, even while incarcerated. However, individual states and facilities impose specific rules and limitations that can make the process difficult.

Key Restrictions:

  • The inmate must not be on disciplinary restriction that prohibits marriage.

  • Some facilities do not allow inmates in maximum security or solitary confinement to marry.

  • Marriages involving death row inmates often require special approval from prison officials.

  • Immigration status may complicate marriages if one party is non-citizen.

How to Marry an Inmate: The Step-by-Step Process

While procedures vary by jurisdiction, most prison marriages follow a structured process that requires persistence and patience.

Step 1: Obtain Facility Approval

  • The inmate must submit a marriage request form to prison administration.

  • The outside partner may need to provide proof of identity, citizenship, and legal marital eligibility (e.g., divorce decree if previously married).

  • Some states require counseling sessions or pre-marital interviews before granting approval.

Step 2: Secure a Marriage License

  • The non-incarcerated partner must obtain the marriage license from the county clerk’s office in the jurisdiction where the prison is located.

  • Some states allow proxy marriages, meaning a stand-in can sign for the inmate if they cannot be physically present at the courthouse.

Step 3: Find an Officiant and Witnesses

  • Many prisons require a state-approved officiant, such as a chaplain, clergy member, or justice of the peace.

  • Some facilities mandate that correctional officers act as witnesses rather than outside family members.

Step 4: The Wedding Ceremony

  • Weddings typically take place inside the prison in a designated room or chapel.

  • No special attire is allowed; the inmate remains in their standard prison uniform.

  • Physical contact is minimal or prohibited, with most facilities banning post-ceremony celebrations like kissing or holding hands.

Challenges and Emotional Toll of Prison Marriages

1. Limited Physical Contact

  • Conjugal visits (overnight stays) are not allowed in federal prisons and are only permitted in select state prisons (e.g., California, New York, Washington) under strict guidelines.

  • Most prison spouses must maintain their relationship through letters, phone calls, and brief visitations.

2. Social Stigma and Family Disapproval

  • Many families disapprove of prison marriages, seeing them as unstable or risky.

  • The non-incarcerated partner may face judgment from friends, employers, and society at large.

3. Legal and Financial Barriers

  • Inmates cannot financially contribute to the marriage in most cases.

  • If the non-incarcerated spouse passes away, inheritance rights and legal claims may be complicated due to restrictions on inmate asset control.

4. Financial Manipulation by Inmates

  • A major concern in prison marriages is the potential for financial exploitation. Some inmates, particularly those serving long sentences, may see their non-incarcerated spouse as a financial lifeline rather than a true partner.

  • Inmates may use emotional manipulation to convince their spouse to send money, pay for legal fees, or purchase commissary items far beyond what they can afford.

  • The non-incarcerated partner might feel pressured to sacrifice their own financial well-being, diverting rent, bills, or savings toward supporting an inmate.

  • Warning Signs of Financial Manipulation:

    • Constant demands for money with guilt-driven justifications.

    • Requests to fund legal appeals, special privileges, or outside favors beyond essential needs.

    • Emotional withdrawal or threats to end the relationship if financial support is not provided.

    • An overly controlling dynamic, where the inmate dictates financial decisions from behind bars.

  • To protect oneself, it is essential to set financial boundaries and ensure that monetary contributions do not jeopardize personal stability.

Notable Cases of Prison Marriages

✅ Success Story: Love Through Bars

A woman in California married her fiancé, an inmate serving a 25-year sentence for robbery. Despite the distance, they built a life together through consistent letters, visitation, and emotional support, proving that love can persist despite barriers.

❌ Controversial Case: Serial Killers and Prison Marriages

High-profile criminals, including Ted Bundy and the Menendez Brothers, married while incarcerated, raising ethical concerns over whether convicted felons—especially those serving life sentences—should be allowed to wed.

The Future of Prison Marriages: Will Rules Change?

With increasing advocacy for prisoner rights and rehabilitation, some states are considering policies that:

  • Expand conjugal visit eligibility for long-term partners.

  • Simplify the approval process for marriage requests.

  • Introduce virtual wedding ceremonies to reduce the need for in-person coordination.

However, opposition remains, with critics arguing that prison should not accommodate romantic relationships and that resources should be allocated elsewhere. 

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

1. Can an inmate get married without their partner being physically present?

Yes, some states allow proxy marriages, where a stand-in signs for the inmate. However, many facilities require both partners to be physically present.

2. Are conjugal visits allowed after a prison wedding?

Only a few states, such as California and New York, permit conjugal visits. Federal prisons do not allow them at all.

3. How long does it take to get approval for a prison wedding?

The approval process varies by facility but can take anywhere from a few weeks to several months, depending on administrative backlogs.

4. Can an inmate receive financial benefits after marriage?

Marrying an inmate does not automatically grant them access to spousal benefits, Social Security, or inheritance rights.

5. Can an inmate manipulate their spouse for financial gain?

Yes, some inmates may use emotional tactics to request money, legal aid, or favors. Setting clear financial boundaries is crucial.

6. Can an inmate and their spouse divorce while incarcerated?

Yes, an inmate can file for divorce, but the process may be more complicated due to limited access to legal resources.

7. Is a marriage to an inmate legally recognized outside of prison?

Yes, prison marriages are legally binding like any other marriage, with all associated rights and obligations.

8. Where can I learn more about the legal aspects of prison marriages?

For more legal guidance on inmate marriage regulations, visit: American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) - Prisoner Rights

Conclusion: A Love Worth Fighting For?

Prison marriages are far from conventional, requiring determination, sacrifice, and an ability to navigate legal hurdles. While these relationships face immense challenges, they also demonstrate resilience, commitment, and the human need for connection. However, the risk of financial manipulation is a serious concern, and anyone considering marrying an inmate should set clear boundaries and protect their own financial security. Whether viewed as an act of devotion or an unnecessary complication, one thing is clear: love can exist even behind bars, but it must be built on trust rather than financial dependency.